Nature Reflection #8

 

I will never forget our last day out at the Nature Center. I enjoyed the whole time out there and the work that we did. As I have previously reflected, I often feel a dissonance between the person I am and the person that I want to be. I feel like I don’t the amount of work I need to be successful and then feel more frustrated when that success doesn’t come. I know a lot of it is internal, negative self-talk, but there are legitimate grievances for sure. That is why I enjoyed the nature center as much as I did. Each day we were given clear instructions and at the end we could see tangible results. When I often feel like I do not measure up to my peers, I could go to this nature center and excel. On this particular day, there were a lot of grumblings about class not being cancelled despite the rain and I was certainly a contributor. I was coming in with a lot of baggage to that day, having not gotten a job I thought I locked up and recently having started a hard battle with addiction. I dove into my work headfirst, moving 30 or 40 yards past everyone else with a plan to get back to the group by the end of the day. By that point it was just bamboo and I worked harder than I have on anything else in as long as I can remember. I was a demon possessed, chopping and tearing at every piece of bamboo I could see. As I got too hot for my rain jacket, I took it off and was quickly soaked to the bone. I was quickly overwhelmed with a wave of nostalgia, feeling like a kid playing out in the rain again. As I made progress, the voices started getting louder and louder. I finally got through to LG and Cole as time expired, having cleared a massive swathe of the forest. I felt tired, accomplished, satisfied, wet, and thankful. Having such a memorable experience come at such a critical time in my life has solidified to what I believe will be a lifetime memory. There is therapy in working hard with your hands!